lifestyle, parenting

You Might Be A Breastfeeding Mom If…

Source: Jane the Virgin (CW)

You’ve had milk stains on your shirt, noticed, and didn’t care enough to change before leaving the house.
Milk stains are the new black, right?

You’ve dripped, dropped and spilled food or drink on your baby while he/she eats. 
I just want to take this time to apologize to my baby for the countless amounts of food crumbs that have ended up on him during our breastfeeding adventures. Oops!

You’ve obsessed about everything you’ve eaten or drank when your baby starts to feel even a little bit of cramps or gas. 
Even though constantly stressing about what you eat or drink and how it could possibly affect your baby is not something we should be doing – I’m pretty sure we’ve all done it.

You’ve used your baby’s burping cloth or breastfeeding cover up to wipe away your tears.
Breastfeeding is emotional (especially in the first weeks), and sometimes mom needs a good cry.

Researched how long it takes alcohol to work it’s way through your system (or how much you can have before you have to pump and dump). 
Because that 10 months of complete sobriety was LONG, and sometimes momma needs a cold beer!

You’ve actually cried over spilled (breast) milk.
That 40ml took me half an hour to pump, and when it fell to the floor I actually considered diving after it like it was some kind of rare magical substance (because it IS).

You’ve begun to think of your boobs as nothing to be modest about, and have decided it’s not a big deal to whip them out whenever your baby needs food (no matter where you are.)
Your boobs aren’t really anything private at the moment (and you’re not sure if they ever will be again) – they are just there…like an elbow or a big toe.

You’ve squeezed, twisted and massaged your own breasts to get milk to come out.
Sometimes the boobs need a bit of a massage to get started!

You’ve let other people (midwives, doctors, your husband) squeeze, twist and massage your breast to get milk to come out. 
Because sometimes you need help.

You’ve tasted your own breast-milk. 
Come on, we’ve all done this one.

You have towels or cloths laying everywhere around your house, because heaven forbid you single-side pump or feed without being ready…
Must be prepared for the Fountain of Breastus ,because that milk is coming out (even if it’s not the boob you’re using!)

You feel yourself up multiple times a day to check which side you need to feed from or pump. 
Don’t mind me, I’m just checking something….

You’ve felt like (and cried over feeling like) nothing but a milk-machine to your baby.. 
Especially in the early days – your baby literally eats and sleeps and that’s all. So, you will, at some point, be asking yourself if your baby even loves you for anything other than a source of food.

You’ve spent hours searching the internet for breast pumps. 
Seriously, how are there so many options for squeezing milk out of my boobs!?

You’re surprised at just how many people are kind to you when you need to breastfeed in public. 
From cashiers allowing you to use employee restrooms or changing rooms to people not openly staring at you  while you’re feeding your baby in a Pizza Hut – people can be so nice!

But you have a witty, snarky response ready for anyone who dares to tell you that “breastfeeding in public is inappropriate.” 
Would you rather my baby scream for an hour in this diner, or can I feed him? Oh, you’d rather me feed him? …Interesting.

You’ve stressed over your milk supply. 
This does not (I repeat, does NOT) make you a “bad mom”. Some milk supplies take longer to come in, don’t come in as enough – or whatever. Every mom is different and every baby requires different things. While there are things you can do (drink water, tea, etc) to up your supply, sometimes it’s just not possible. There is NO shame in having to also use some formula to top your baby off if your milk isn’t there yet.

You’ve fallen asleep while breastfeeding. 
In the beginning, when your baby is waking up every 2 hours to feed – sleep deprivation is a serious issue.


**Breastfed or formula fed – this blog has no judgments, biases or preferences. This is meant to be a funny post from a sleep deprived, breastfeeding new mom. 



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